I'm slightly jealous of complacency. It's your prerogative to be happy; don't feel guilty if you just don't know what dream to chase yet...
I tweeted this the other night, because I've realized I can come across as kind of a dick with statuses I post or things I tweet. I want to elaborate on it a little..
Some things college taught me were tolerance, acceptance and perspective. As I have begun my career over the past 2 years, there have been a thousand different thoughts running through my head. Is this really what I want to do? What happens if I get stuck doing something I don't want to, then 20 years fly by? What's my purpose in all of this? What will be both intellectually and emotionally satisfying?
I realize that many people don't have the same opportunities I have. I was blessed and had my parents help pay my college, and scholarship handled the rest. All the same, it was extremely expensive, and I realize how many others weren't as lucky as I was. Without college/a bachelors I would probably still be stuck trying to figure out what to do.
I need to be more conscious how many others are in that boat, and how much of a struggle that really is. Here's the thing; I feel like the money is one reason why so many haven't finished college. Focus is the other.. If you can't finish school, it's because of focus - and that's your own fault in itself, but I get off topic.
I have very high standards, both for myself and my friends. I expect them to want for themselves the same thing I want for myself: success. Not just with regards to monetary growth, but I want them/myself to have a healthy, balanced life full of success in every area. I want them to long for more than just a job that barely allows them to skate by. I want them to expect more and believe they also have the tools to achieve it, because the vast majority of them do.
I also realize everyone is at a different stage of their life. I feel like certain people are stuck in a limbo where they can't necessary decide what to do, or what dream they want to follow. The default feeling here is complacency, but sub-consciously, we are just undecided with what path to take. Don't allow this to get you down; I feel like everyone goes through a stage(s) like this in their life. The trick is don't let it get you down. Don't believe you are actually complacent. When you get down you develop crutches; alcoholism, drug use (often times), counter-productive activities, or just settling. You have to stay hungry; stay motivated. Believe in yourself and your ability when nobody else does - especially when nobody else does.
Look at it this way.. If it takes you 3 - 4 years to decide what your true calling is, then you still have another 60 years to follow that. Looking back, that 3 - 4 year (or more for some) struggle won't seem near as bad once you've decided your purpose, and are living your dream. Keep your heads up and continue grinding and following your dream. The only disappointment I have in people are those who don't have a dream to pursue.
Love you guys..
Friday, October 18, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
What Eats At You?
Do you ever just have something that eats at you, and bothers you way longer than it should? Something that is in the past (obviously), and there's absolutely nothing gained by allocating even a bit of your intellect to that lost cause?
Yeah, I have way to many things that match this description. That sad thing - my awareness of this, doesn't necessarily prevent me from thinking about it still.
The thing that bothers me the most, and probably the reason I've been in a funk the last 5-6 years, is.......Basketball.
As an incoming freshman at a division 3 school, I didn't necessarily have hopes of starting, but I at least hoped I'd get some chances to play my first year. I settled on a D3 school because in my heart I always wanted to be closer to all my family in the midwest and what better way than to take a 4 year vacation out there?? As we progressed through the first year I realized something - this was NOT the program I should have come to play at. The coach basically tried referring to his offense as a 'run & gun' style, but still had a post player in at all times (not myself, whoever basically had seniority, and put up with his bullshit for 2-3 years already). How people could be in his system for more than 2 years without losing their fucking sanity, I have no clue .. but I digress.
Every practice was a battle to attempt to stand out. This was not easy at this time. There were multiple things affecting my confidence at this time, and I'll be the first to admit, I was not on my 'A' game at all. As an offensive player, my game was largely driven by my confidence, and when I lost the bulk of that, I suffered. Day in and day out I tried showing the coach a sign I should be out there playing over seniors/juniors in the post. Nothing convinced him. Frosh year went by and I only played 5-6 JV games. I averaged 25 and 12 on JV, but it was a joke, hardly more competitive than our high school games. I figured the stats would at least give me a chance to start some soph year.
Soph year was one of the worst years (sporting wise) in my life... sitting down at the end of the bench with people playing over me that weren't worth more than 4 points and 4 rebounds a game - and I'm not even exaggerating. I got in when/if there was a blowout, and other isolated instances (foul trouble, etc). My junior year I started a number of games. Then, over the holidays flew home for 3 days over Christmas break (had talked to an assistant coach about doing so).. I get a phone call from the head coach and apparently he didn't expect me to miss a game over break. He kicks me off the team for a week and a half, and then I lose my starting spot; and am subsequently benched for the foreseeable future.
That was it for me. I had been beaten. Basketball (and other sports too, but mostly basketball), had always been that 'one' thing I could always turn to when everything else was crumbling down around me. I could just go out to the court in my backyard, or go down to the gym, zone out and just shoot or work on post moves. A lot of things were crumbling down around me at that time (in college).. and now I had lost basketball too. I quit and actually cried as I left the gym after telling the coach. I had been mentally and emotionally defeated. Now, almost every time I play ball, I think of back in college when I just couldn't cut it.
Sure there were plenty of factors/variables at work, but I will always hold myself accountable. I should have done more, or gone somewhere else so I could have had a better experience. Now, something that used to be a 'release' for me is just a bad dream of what happened when I failed at the one thing I thought I could always have fun with.
You might wonder why the hell I bothered writing this jumbled mess tonight :) it's because it still bothers me to this day - and will probably bother me for the rest of my life, but I wanted to let you know at least one reason why I've been sort of distant the past few years. Also, I hope this can offer some comfort to those of you who feel like you never got the chance you deserved playing college sports. I know plenty of my friends who had the athleticism to excel at college sports, but never got the chance, or the money wasn't right. My message to you is: not all experiences at the collegiate level are positive. Sometimes, even in college, decisions are driven by politics and bullshit;seniority, favoritism and misguided coaches. I am to blame for my own failures, and I definitely came away with a degree, but failed miserably trying to play college sports. That in itself overshadowed most of the positive around my bachelors degree. I think that's why I am so hungry to find successes other areas in my life. Have a good night everyone! (and to anyone who is crazy / bored enough to read all of this bullshit haha... thanks... you're awesome!)
Yeah, I have way to many things that match this description. That sad thing - my awareness of this, doesn't necessarily prevent me from thinking about it still.
The thing that bothers me the most, and probably the reason I've been in a funk the last 5-6 years, is.......Basketball.
As an incoming freshman at a division 3 school, I didn't necessarily have hopes of starting, but I at least hoped I'd get some chances to play my first year. I settled on a D3 school because in my heart I always wanted to be closer to all my family in the midwest and what better way than to take a 4 year vacation out there?? As we progressed through the first year I realized something - this was NOT the program I should have come to play at. The coach basically tried referring to his offense as a 'run & gun' style, but still had a post player in at all times (not myself, whoever basically had seniority, and put up with his bullshit for 2-3 years already). How people could be in his system for more than 2 years without losing their fucking sanity, I have no clue .. but I digress.
Every practice was a battle to attempt to stand out. This was not easy at this time. There were multiple things affecting my confidence at this time, and I'll be the first to admit, I was not on my 'A' game at all. As an offensive player, my game was largely driven by my confidence, and when I lost the bulk of that, I suffered. Day in and day out I tried showing the coach a sign I should be out there playing over seniors/juniors in the post. Nothing convinced him. Frosh year went by and I only played 5-6 JV games. I averaged 25 and 12 on JV, but it was a joke, hardly more competitive than our high school games. I figured the stats would at least give me a chance to start some soph year.
Soph year was one of the worst years (sporting wise) in my life... sitting down at the end of the bench with people playing over me that weren't worth more than 4 points and 4 rebounds a game - and I'm not even exaggerating. I got in when/if there was a blowout, and other isolated instances (foul trouble, etc). My junior year I started a number of games. Then, over the holidays flew home for 3 days over Christmas break (had talked to an assistant coach about doing so).. I get a phone call from the head coach and apparently he didn't expect me to miss a game over break. He kicks me off the team for a week and a half, and then I lose my starting spot; and am subsequently benched for the foreseeable future.
That was it for me. I had been beaten. Basketball (and other sports too, but mostly basketball), had always been that 'one' thing I could always turn to when everything else was crumbling down around me. I could just go out to the court in my backyard, or go down to the gym, zone out and just shoot or work on post moves. A lot of things were crumbling down around me at that time (in college).. and now I had lost basketball too. I quit and actually cried as I left the gym after telling the coach. I had been mentally and emotionally defeated. Now, almost every time I play ball, I think of back in college when I just couldn't cut it.
Sure there were plenty of factors/variables at work, but I will always hold myself accountable. I should have done more, or gone somewhere else so I could have had a better experience. Now, something that used to be a 'release' for me is just a bad dream of what happened when I failed at the one thing I thought I could always have fun with.
You might wonder why the hell I bothered writing this jumbled mess tonight :) it's because it still bothers me to this day - and will probably bother me for the rest of my life, but I wanted to let you know at least one reason why I've been sort of distant the past few years. Also, I hope this can offer some comfort to those of you who feel like you never got the chance you deserved playing college sports. I know plenty of my friends who had the athleticism to excel at college sports, but never got the chance, or the money wasn't right. My message to you is: not all experiences at the collegiate level are positive. Sometimes, even in college, decisions are driven by politics and bullshit;seniority, favoritism and misguided coaches. I am to blame for my own failures, and I definitely came away with a degree, but failed miserably trying to play college sports. That in itself overshadowed most of the positive around my bachelors degree. I think that's why I am so hungry to find successes other areas in my life. Have a good night everyone! (and to anyone who is crazy / bored enough to read all of this bullshit haha... thanks... you're awesome!)
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