Stresses in Your Mid Twenties : Career Calling

Stresses in Your Mid Twenties : Career Calling

First real slap in the face from life comes after you graduate high school. For the first time in your life, you’re now responsible for deciding the next step. All through your childhood the expectation was to attend school or play sports until you graduate high school. However, one of the most overlooked transitions is that time directly after high school (and comparatively after you graduate from anything after high school as well.) Whether you’re graduating with an Associates, Bachelors, Masters, Doctorate, Law Degree, completing certifications or internships the question remains the same, “What’s next?”

That’s the first question, but not the toughest to answer. After any of those are completed, you can easily take the next logical step to begin employment in that distinction. But does it end there? If you graduate high school and begin working towards a greater goal of, at some point achieving a higher level of education, life can often have other ideas for you. As you begin that uphill battle of working, supporting yourself and saving for additional education, distractions are constant.  And, in these distractions, we are sometimes able to find our true calling; they should not always have a negative connotation. It’s entirely possible that your true calling is not at all correlated with the idea you had constructed in your head of how you thought your career would unfold. I urge you to not allow this as a source of anxiety in your life, and I will tell you why a little later.

There are societal expectations, whether tangibly present or not, they exist. Expectations your parents have of you, expectations society has of your productivity and ambition expressed through your ‘career’, expectations about dating, family, marriage, pregnancy, and the list goes on. I often wonder how many college students pursue higher education because they enjoy learning. Or how many people work to earn degrees because they honestly feel drawn to the field they will be entering upon completion of that degree (ex. For me to be an Accountant after earning a Bachelors in Accounting). How much of our career path, pursuance of education, and path after high school is determined by society’s expectation, and how much is truly what you want?

In my experience, I received a Bachelors and accounting certification, and began work in the field of Finance. Although intellectually challenging and mentally challenging, I still question whether or not it is my true passion. I ask the same questions, “Is this what I am meant to do; Is this my purpose; or Is this the best way for me to leave the world better than how I found it?” I do enjoy what I do; don’t get me wrong. I still find myself asking these same questions though..

I guess there are a couple stances on this. First implies you are meant to do a certain thing; fated if you will to follow a certain path. It also sort of insinuates you have a purpose or something to contribute to society (I believe everyone, no matter how small of a contribution, has a gift or something to contribute towards the betterment of society).

The second scenario is that someone doesn't have one way of fulfilling their purpose, but instead has many avenues for achieving the same end result. There isn’t one path, but many alternative options one can take or follow to help contribute to increased standard of living to the human race. In this case, it isn’t about finding the single correct path, but finding the most utilitarian path, or even the path that allows you the most happiness while completing it.

I feel like it is our job as humans to use the life we've been given from our parents, or our caretakers, to leave society [as a whole] a better place than when we entered it. Whether that be through teaching, positive influence, invention, expanding human knowledge, streamlining, focusing on equality of all people, bridging the gap between cultural barriers, expanding horizons, leading by moral example, allowing for differing viewpoints and helping form us into a more advanced, culturally connected and synchronized race, we all have a responsibility to produce an outcome through the course of our life.

That being said, the expectation doesn’t lie in following a path determined or expected by your culture or predecessors, but instead should be formed by your passion and gifts. Each person has gifts, and harnessing and mastering these gifts can be the toughest hurdle to cross. Be confident knowing you have a gift. Knowing what it is is half the battle, so take your time in determining what that gift is. If you feel insignificant or indecisive, you are not alone. Everyone goes through the same stage of panic when determining what path to follow. Don’t be afraid to exercise patience through this stage.

I like to compare life to driving. You can do it two ways. You can constantly stress about when will I get there? Am I in the right lane? Will I be there on time? Can I make this red light? Why is the jackass in front of me (w/ Sonoran plates no doubt) driving 20 MPH under the speed limit? Can I pass this person and still get back into the lane I need to be in? Can I speed and watch for cops so I can still make good time?

Or, you can calmly drive, enjoy the sunrise. Crack the windows and enjoy everything around you. Take in the cool crisp morning air and think about your blessings. Be thankful for your car, because it isn’t riding the bus or walking. Relax and listed to Childish Gambino “Because the Internet” and get your thoughts in order before the work day.

My point is, you could go through life stressing and having anxiety, or you can relax and enjoy everything around you – Often times the end result is the same. The two scenarios above wouldn’t get you to work faster, but your mindset through the experience affected your mental and psychological state of mind. You control those factors; enjoy your experiences and allow yourself time to find that purpose, because once you do the time you spent waiting won’t seem so bad. You’ll have the remainder of your life to pursue that passion, and those 3-4 years in your twenties that you spent stressing over it, won’t seem like anything at all.

Congrats to anyone who just sat through my jumbled thoughts. Hope everyone has an amazing week J  

What I Suck At, And Why. (slightly biased, maybe, kinda, sorta)

Oh hey. so for some reason tonight I decided to make a short list of things I totally suck at, and then try to guess at why. I guess my rationale is the more aware I am of these traits, the easier it will be for me to address them? Well that's the theory, but I'm still not convinced that's how it works exactly. Let's get started.

1) I suck at having a work / life balance. Without making excuses, I have no balance at all. Period. Weekends... yeah, I do nothing. I have effectively distanced myself from a lot of friends over time with or without meaning to. Part of it is I tend to enjoy other things on the weekends, but part of it I can't really describe. I talk myself out of doing things, going out, or being social. I will find reasons in my head to not do anything or justifications for not going out. So, I don't blame my friends for giving up on asking me to go to things - it's just something I need to work on. Part of me wants to make excuses like 'I just want to relax', or 'I need to get caught up on things I missed during the week'... but those don't fly. They aren't the truth. The reason I talk myself out of doing things is because I'm used to it. I got in that habit in college when all I wanted to do was mope around cause life wasn't going my way. And I carried those bitch tendencies into present day (no sexism meant). It's just something I need to expend effort on changing about myself.

2) I suck approaching / making conversation with females I don't know. Flat out, I am not good at it! Here is my reasoning and you can tell me I'm a dipshit, but I feel obligated to give you some background. The way I see it, and I admit it isn't a good perspective, I've seen the vast majority of guys revel in the more aggressive pursuance / flirting with girls, and I see flaws in that. More often than not it seems awkward or like unwanted attention. I am super paranoid that the attention I would be giving is unwanted. The extent of my flirting abilities mirrors that of a 12 year old - I am extremely sarcastic if I like you, and otherwise I am timid at first (aka bitchmade tendencies (once again, not trying to be a sexist).  Part of me says 'if the girl wants to be approached she will show signs or spark conversation with you' ... then reality calls and tells me I'm a retard. I would love if that were true, because it would save me from having to swallow my pride and start conversation with a few females who aren't necessarily interested in a Paul Bunyan / Sasquatch hybrid looking man-child (myself). BUT, in doing that I allow for the slight possibility I meet someone worthwhile...of course if I continue down my clever strategy of inaction = action (and not like sexual action, I'm more interested in another connection at this point in my life), I feel like I will continue to see the same results. And for those of you who don't know, that result is being single for over 3 years. So, looks like I need to man the eff up and stop being a puss and worrying about everything, and just follow my heart (and stop with the bitchassness!).

3) I suck at judging people/situations. If you haven't noticed already, the wheels are always turning with me.. I am constantly thinking about things or people or life or anything really. With that comes some negatives obviously. I tend to find flaws in people and then over react to those flaws. For example a flaw in my mind is not a flaw universally. If I see someone with no ambition, and see that as a flaw; a cancerous trait, it could just mean that their ambitions lie elsewhere from my own. If I see ambition in career goals and growth, but they see ambition in raising a family, or just being positive no matter how mentally or physically gifted or not gifted they are, that should be / and IS perfectly fine. That would be a perfect example of how I could misjudge people just because they don't see the world through the same scope I do. I am realizing more and more that nobody sees the world through your scope, so you have to do everything in your power to allow for consideration of their perspective before passing judgement (not that you should pass judgement, but people do). I think with this one I have gotten better, but still need work. I need to consider everyone's point of view, perspective and unique outlooks...

So, those were just 3 things (of many) that I suck at. I didn't edit this or spend much time. I just threw words down, and maybe you could find humor in it or associate with some of it. Thanks to the 3 or 4 people that actually read this madness. Hope you all have a great few weeks leading up to the holidays! :)

I'm slightly jealous of complacency. It's your prerogative to be happy; don't feel guilty if you just don't know what dream to chase yet...

I'm slightly jealous of complacency. It's your prerogative to be happy; don't feel guilty if you just don't know what dream to chase yet...

I tweeted this the other night, because I've realized I can come across as kind of a dick with statuses I post or things I tweet. I want to elaborate on it a little..

Some things college taught me were tolerance, acceptance and perspective. As I have begun my career over the past 2 years, there have been a thousand different thoughts running through my head. Is this really what I want to do? What happens if I get stuck doing something I don't want to, then 20 years fly by? What's my purpose in all of this? What will be both intellectually and emotionally satisfying?

I realize that many people don't have the same opportunities I have. I was blessed and had my parents help pay my college, and scholarship handled the rest. All the same, it was extremely expensive, and I realize how many others weren't as lucky as I was. Without college/a bachelors I would probably still be stuck trying to figure out what to do.

I need to be more conscious how many others are in that boat, and how much of a struggle that really is. Here's the thing; I feel like the money is one reason why so many haven't finished college. Focus is the other.. If you can't finish school, it's because of focus - and that's your own fault in itself, but I get off topic.

I have very high standards, both for myself and my friends. I expect them to want for themselves the same thing I want for myself: success. Not just with regards to monetary growth, but I want them/myself to have a healthy, balanced life full of success in every area. I want them to long for more than just a job that barely allows them to skate by. I want them to expect more and believe they also have the tools to achieve it, because the vast majority of them do.

I also realize everyone is at a different stage of their life. I feel like certain people are stuck in a limbo where they can't necessary decide what to do, or what dream they want to follow. The default feeling here is complacency, but sub-consciously, we are just undecided with what path to take. Don't allow this to get you down; I feel like everyone goes through a stage(s) like this in their life. The trick is don't let it get you down. Don't believe you are actually complacent. When you get down you develop crutches; alcoholism, drug use (often times), counter-productive activities, or just settling. You have to stay hungry; stay motivated. Believe in yourself and your ability when nobody else does - especially when nobody else does.

Look at it this way.. If it takes you 3 - 4 years to decide what your true calling is, then you still have another 60 years to follow that. Looking back, that 3 - 4 year (or more for some) struggle won't seem near as bad once you've decided your purpose, and are living your dream. Keep your heads up and continue grinding and following your dream. The only disappointment I have in people are those who don't have a dream to pursue.

Love you guys..

What Eats At You?

Do you ever just have something that eats at you, and bothers you way longer than it should? Something that is in the past (obviously), and there's absolutely nothing gained by allocating even a bit of your intellect to that lost cause?

Yeah, I have way to many things that match this description. That sad thing - my awareness of this, doesn't necessarily prevent me from thinking about it still.

The thing that bothers me the most, and probably the reason I've been in a funk the last 5-6 years, is.......Basketball.

As an incoming freshman at a division 3 school, I didn't necessarily have hopes of starting, but I at least hoped I'd get some chances to play my first year. I settled on a D3 school because in my heart I always wanted to be closer to all my family in the midwest and what better way than to take a 4 year vacation out there?? As we progressed through the first year I realized something - this was NOT the program I should have come to play at. The coach basically tried referring to his offense as a 'run & gun' style, but still had a post player in at all times (not myself, whoever basically had seniority, and put up with his bullshit for 2-3 years already). How people could be in his system for more than 2 years without losing their fucking sanity, I have no clue .. but I digress.

Every practice was a battle to attempt to stand out. This was not easy at this time. There were multiple things affecting my confidence at this time, and I'll be the first to admit, I was not on my 'A' game at all. As an offensive player, my game was largely driven by my confidence, and when I lost the bulk of that, I suffered. Day in and day out I tried showing the coach a sign I should be out there playing over seniors/juniors in the post. Nothing convinced him. Frosh year went by and I only played 5-6 JV games. I averaged 25 and 12 on JV, but it was a joke, hardly more competitive than our high school games. I figured the stats would at least give me a chance to start some soph year.

Soph year was one of the worst years (sporting wise) in my life... sitting down at the end of the bench with people playing over me that weren't worth more than 4 points and 4 rebounds a game - and I'm not even exaggerating. I got in when/if there was a blowout, and other isolated instances (foul trouble, etc). My junior year I started a number of games. Then, over the holidays flew home for 3 days over Christmas break (had talked to an assistant coach about doing so).. I get a phone call from the head coach and apparently he didn't expect me to miss a game over break. He kicks me off the team for a week and a half, and then I lose my starting spot; and am subsequently benched for the foreseeable future.

That was it for me. I had been beaten. Basketball (and other sports too, but mostly basketball), had always been that 'one' thing I could always turn to when everything else was crumbling down around me. I could just go out to the court in my backyard, or go down to the gym, zone out and just shoot or work on post moves. A lot of things were crumbling down around me at that time (in college).. and now I had lost basketball too. I quit and actually cried as I left the gym after telling the coach. I had been mentally and emotionally defeated. Now, almost every time I play ball, I think of back in college when I just couldn't cut it.

Sure there were plenty of factors/variables at work, but I will always hold myself accountable. I should have done more, or gone somewhere else so I could have had a better experience. Now, something that used to be a 'release' for me is just a bad dream of what happened when I failed at the one thing I thought I could always have fun with.

You might wonder why the hell I bothered writing this jumbled mess tonight :) it's because it still bothers me to this day - and will probably bother me for the rest of my life, but I wanted to let you know at least one reason why I've been sort of distant the past few years. Also, I hope this can offer some comfort to those of you who feel like you never got the chance you deserved playing college sports. I know plenty of my friends who had the athleticism to excel at college sports, but never got the chance, or the money wasn't right. My message to you is: not all experiences at the collegiate level are positive. Sometimes, even in college, decisions are driven by politics and bullshit;seniority, favoritism and misguided coaches. I am to blame for my own failures, and I definitely came away with a degree, but failed miserably trying to play college sports. That in itself overshadowed most of the positive around my bachelors degree. I think that's why I am so hungry to find successes other areas in my life. Have a good night everyone! (and to anyone who is crazy / bored enough to read all of this bullshit haha... thanks... you're awesome!)