What I Suck At, And Why. (slightly biased, maybe, kinda, sorta)

Oh hey. so for some reason tonight I decided to make a short list of things I totally suck at, and then try to guess at why. I guess my rationale is the more aware I am of these traits, the easier it will be for me to address them? Well that's the theory, but I'm still not convinced that's how it works exactly. Let's get started.

1) I suck at having a work / life balance. Without making excuses, I have no balance at all. Period. Weekends... yeah, I do nothing. I have effectively distanced myself from a lot of friends over time with or without meaning to. Part of it is I tend to enjoy other things on the weekends, but part of it I can't really describe. I talk myself out of doing things, going out, or being social. I will find reasons in my head to not do anything or justifications for not going out. So, I don't blame my friends for giving up on asking me to go to things - it's just something I need to work on. Part of me wants to make excuses like 'I just want to relax', or 'I need to get caught up on things I missed during the week'... but those don't fly. They aren't the truth. The reason I talk myself out of doing things is because I'm used to it. I got in that habit in college when all I wanted to do was mope around cause life wasn't going my way. And I carried those bitch tendencies into present day (no sexism meant). It's just something I need to expend effort on changing about myself.

2) I suck approaching / making conversation with females I don't know. Flat out, I am not good at it! Here is my reasoning and you can tell me I'm a dipshit, but I feel obligated to give you some background. The way I see it, and I admit it isn't a good perspective, I've seen the vast majority of guys revel in the more aggressive pursuance / flirting with girls, and I see flaws in that. More often than not it seems awkward or like unwanted attention. I am super paranoid that the attention I would be giving is unwanted. The extent of my flirting abilities mirrors that of a 12 year old - I am extremely sarcastic if I like you, and otherwise I am timid at first (aka bitchmade tendencies (once again, not trying to be a sexist).  Part of me says 'if the girl wants to be approached she will show signs or spark conversation with you' ... then reality calls and tells me I'm a retard. I would love if that were true, because it would save me from having to swallow my pride and start conversation with a few females who aren't necessarily interested in a Paul Bunyan / Sasquatch hybrid looking man-child (myself). BUT, in doing that I allow for the slight possibility I meet someone worthwhile...of course if I continue down my clever strategy of inaction = action (and not like sexual action, I'm more interested in another connection at this point in my life), I feel like I will continue to see the same results. And for those of you who don't know, that result is being single for over 3 years. So, looks like I need to man the eff up and stop being a puss and worrying about everything, and just follow my heart (and stop with the bitchassness!).

3) I suck at judging people/situations. If you haven't noticed already, the wheels are always turning with me.. I am constantly thinking about things or people or life or anything really. With that comes some negatives obviously. I tend to find flaws in people and then over react to those flaws. For example a flaw in my mind is not a flaw universally. If I see someone with no ambition, and see that as a flaw; a cancerous trait, it could just mean that their ambitions lie elsewhere from my own. If I see ambition in career goals and growth, but they see ambition in raising a family, or just being positive no matter how mentally or physically gifted or not gifted they are, that should be / and IS perfectly fine. That would be a perfect example of how I could misjudge people just because they don't see the world through the same scope I do. I am realizing more and more that nobody sees the world through your scope, so you have to do everything in your power to allow for consideration of their perspective before passing judgement (not that you should pass judgement, but people do). I think with this one I have gotten better, but still need work. I need to consider everyone's point of view, perspective and unique outlooks...

So, those were just 3 things (of many) that I suck at. I didn't edit this or spend much time. I just threw words down, and maybe you could find humor in it or associate with some of it. Thanks to the 3 or 4 people that actually read this madness. Hope you all have a great few weeks leading up to the holidays! :)